In about three weeks, I will be packing my stuff for my 10-day Spring Break Redux Extravaganza.

May 11 – The Roots & Common in Charlotte at Amos’ Southend with Erin & Nikki
May 12-13 – LaShaya Graduates from College and I Help Her Celebrate
May 18-19 – The Roots at Radio City Music Hall
May 20 – Mom, Uncle Eddie & I see The Color Purple on Broadway.

I’m more excited than anyone can really realize right now. This was originally supposed to be two weekend trips, but returning to Charlotte only to fly back up the coast a few days later was more than my poor bank account could swing. Ah well. I didn’t get a Christmas break either, and I’m not going to Detroit, so this trip is well deserved. I just can’t help feeling like this whole deal came together a little too easily, and that something is bound to go wrong… but I just can’t help being a skeptic deep down inside.

(Not so) Hidden Racism of the Week: These horribly counterintuitive Volkswagen Jetta commercials… why is a black person the cause of the accident both times?
Think about it.

I figure if I can’t do anything else, we’ll always have Tuesdays.

First off, two assignments, for anyone desiring a heaping spoonful of my undying love.
1. Make my computer automatically download the free iTunes Single of the Week. (my Automator skillz are weak, but it’s probably possible for a non-dummy)
2. Make me a portable media device speaker that looks like a freaking boombox. I want to put my player in the part where a cassette tape would be and put it on my shoulder and stroll through the hood b-girl syle. Eff that, I want it to play tapes too. And want it to have an aux. in, and I want it to run on D-cells or and AC adapter or a DC adapter… then I can play it out of the trunk of my nonexistent car for impromptu breakdance and/or cipher sessions. And I want it to charge said player while plugged in. Those are my specs. Now get on it.

Now, let me preface the following by saying that I love my people, but sometimes I hate watching my people on the news. I can’t completely discount the theory that newscasters deliberately seek out the most foolish looking characters to interview and put on TV, even if it is generally the foolish ones that hang around when stuff is going down. That being said, this cat has a blog dedicated to capturing these moments in one location for the world to browse. There are only two up right now, the infamous Bubb Rubb and my new favorite, the Alabama Leprechaun. When I say the Alabama Leprechaun is my favorite, I mean this is the funniest shit I have ever seen in my entire life. I thought it was a lost Chappelle episode or something.

Black People in the News

Last but not least, XtremeMac has produced a very familiar-looking speaker system, the Tango. Fast, aren’t they? It also looks like XtremeMac is the first to make a voice recorder for 5Gs. If only they’d come out two weeks sooner, I could have made someone’s life a little easier. Oh well. Maybe she’ll stumble across my blog.

What is it going to take to get you people to understand that this is more than music?

(text of story respectfully janked from cocaineblunts, since VH1’s site sucks ass Macwise)

“Throughout his career, Cam’ron has put more than a few MCs on notice, but now he’s turning his scorn toward sexual predators who try to hook up with kids on the Internet. In October Cam plans on putting out a DVD featuring several of his own sting.

‘I saw a special that MSNBC had done one time on [adults] on the Internet thinking they’re talking to 13- or 14-year-olds,’ Cam explained of the inspiration for his latest and most surprising endeavor. ‘These people drive 200, 300 miles just to meet a 13- or 14-year-old. It ranges from teachers to rabbis to construction workers. It’s just disgusting.

‘We set up a similar situation where we are videotaping people thinking they’re gonna meet little kids,’ he continued. ‘When they get there, it’s gonna be me and [my manger] Big Joe like, ‘What the hell are you doing, you damn pervert? What the f—- is wrong with you, coming to meet a 13-year-old boy?’ We’re gonna talk to them and not let them leave until we find out what’s wrong with them.’

So far Cam has caught two people in compromising positions, he said, and he wants to catch at least eight more for the still-untitled DVD. According to his crew, the Diplomats, there will be no police involvement.”

This is so random/extreme/hilarious/awesome that I don’t even know what to say. First of all, I’m dying because the first thing I thought of was, hey, they just did that on MSNBC… And here he goes talking about that was his inspiration. Comedy. Secondly, what exactly are Cam and his manager going to do with these pedophiles. “Talk to them and not let them leave until we figure out what’s wrong?’ So like, a therapy session? Will Cam wear the pink chinchilla? Why will I actually go out and purchase this just to see? I can’t even hate though… R. Kelly pisses on a kid; she’s “fast,” he’s the Holy Grail of music… any bit of awareness/proaction/exposure counts.

But this does throw some complications into my psyche. I conveniently forgot the controversy over that one song where Cam’ron says something about Nas’s daughter and R.Kellying her face. But you know what? I’ma let that slide because the man apologized, acknowledged his line-steppage, and is finding a (albeit zany) solution to the problem, rather than mocking it.

This might be a movement.

“Rather than surrender to forces beyond my control, I’ve decided to hang on till the end of the ride.” ~Richard Pryor, 1995

If there’s anyone who truly rode this motherf-cker till the wheels fell of, it was Richard.

Mike Epps, you’ve got to do this better than Jamie did Ray. Like really.

A while ago while checking in for my appointment with the woman-doctor, I was selected to undertake a semi-anonymous survey about “black women’s attitudes, knowledge, and experiences with sexual health and the ‘down low’ epidemic.” I did it for the free t-shirt. I wish there had been a comment box, for if there had been I would have written in large, black box letters “DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!”

The “down low” is a new name for the same ol’ thing. Liberace was on the down low. The daddy from the Brady Bunch was on the down low. Rock Hudson was on the down low. Why do we [black people] have to set ourselves apart on some silly shit? I will agree that the black mainstream is much less tolerant of homosexuality than the white mainstream, but I disagree that there are massively more “straight” black men who sleep with other men on the side than there are “straight” white men who do the same. Unless you are of the opinion that black men are simply so damn sexually magnificent that even they can’t stay away from themselves, it just doesn’t make any sense. (I mean, they are magnificent, but damn.)

So I finished the survey. It asked a whole bunch of personal questions to say it wasn’t so anonymous… maybe I don’t want Brocker Health Center knowing whether or not I screw black guys exclusively or dip into the cream from time to time. Can a chick have jungle fever on the low? I wonder how successful/accurate their results ended up being, because I know I felt a little uncomfortable answering sexual risk questions right before a gyno exam (do you always use a condom? are you afraid of getting AIDS from a down low man?) and I’m not even doing anything. The UNCC t-shirt was nice though. My first one. And all because of a laundry-detergent rash.