I just flipped past Fear Factor on Fox—PLEASE believe I do not watch Fear Factor like it’s a valid show—but people were spitting milk into glasses, and I just knew that that milk had been sucked straight from a teat of some sort. I win: they were racing to suck milk from goats and fill up the glasses.

Now, that’s just unsanitary. Not for the people—they just nasty. But that goat don’t want you suckin on his titties! What if those people have herpes? Or HPV? Or mouth cooties? Now the goat has gingivitis of the titty and who’s gonna say something about it? And that woman goat might take offense to being suckled by another woman—now you’ve turned that goat into a lesbian and she couldn’t say anything about it.

And PETA is still trying to jock people’s Starter jackets.

So yes, PETA emailed me back. The gist of the response was, “we didn’t mean to be offensive, but we were trying to make a point.”

I’m sure the hicks who want to keep the confederate flag flying at the SC courthouse are trying to make a point, too.

Am I crazy? Because I’m not seeing the logic in this argument: “By teaching respect for animals, we can also cultivate attitudes of nonviolence toward humans.” The argument just does not work both ways. Since when does PETA champion nonviolence toward humans? When they mail razor blades to fur farmers? When they pay for legal support for activists who firebomb research labs? Oh, that’s right; they only support nonviolence toward humans who agree with them.

Bottom line, if you’re saying that human suffering compares to animal suffering, you’re just as bad as the people who mistreat humans and consider them animals. But then, if you’re a person who believes that animals should have the same rights as humans, I guess it doesn’t matter. That is the difference between someone who belives in animal welfare and someone who belives in animal rights. The former simply believes that animals should be treated humanely (with kindness, mercy, and compassion). I’m very much for animal welfare; I’m not for elecrifying bunny rabbits, I don’t like seeing animals in the circus, and I don’t go for elephant ivory and exotic animal fur. HOWEVER, I’d rather see a rat die from cancer-drug research than my grandma. It’s about extremes.

So I have a vegetarian roomate, which may prove to be interesting if she is the “you shouldn’t do what I don’t do” type. I might have to go on a Beef Binge or a Poultry Picket. But I don’t wanna get fat.

Pray for me.

and just come over here and do me. Your macking is tight, but let’s stop playing games.

PETA wrote me back, by the way. I ain’t beat for the bullshit.

this takes the vegan fruit cake. This video at PETA’s Animal Liberation Project site attmpts to make the point that “We Are All Animals,” and in doing so compares American slavery, forced child labor, Nazi concentration camp, and Native American obliteration with the plight of farm-ranged cattle and circus bears. I’m against animal cruelty, but I do belive that if animals were meant to be treated the same as humans, it would be staggeringly obvious. At press time, the greatest technological breakthrough ever made by an elephant was finding a bigger stick to swing through the underbrush with.

So I wrote PETA a letter. I doubt that it’ll do any good, because the narrow, fanatical minds that could see it acceptable to kill a human scientist for harming a rabbit or beat a woman down for wearing a fur coat are not going to change for me; but I couldn’t let it pass. I think I’ll go fix myself a meat and sinew sandwich, now.

The Letter:
Although I am against animal cruelty and brutality, I am offended by the means that your organization uses to communicate its’ point. I recently viewed the “Animal Liberation Project” flash presentation at your website, and to be honest, I was not moved. You are comparing the pain and torture suffered by African slaves, Native American Indians and Jewish concentration camp prisoners to that of circus animals and farm hens.
If you honestly think that this is appropriate and that the enslavement of a human being compares to the display of circus animals, you are no better than the slavers, soldiers, and Nazis of the past.
~me