Why is the apartment-hunting situation so crucial right now? Like, I’ma be living in an apartment 24 hours from now. When the girl gets on the grind the girl gets on the grind. Please believe it.

Speaking of the grind, I’m writing up my business plan so that I can qualify for a small business grant and get a new computer for free. If Halliburton can hustle the government out of 10 billion dollars, I know I can grab a grand or two. I’ll keep you posted.

But let’s talk about what’s been bothering me lately: nasty assed people. As my mama says, some people really believe that their piss is golden and their shit is made of chocolate chips. Is there any other explanation for the widespread refusal of some people to wash their hands after they leave the bathroom? While waiting on a stall earlier today, I saw one woman actually wash her doggone hands. The rest did a quick water-rinse and more than a couple just walked the hell out. How do you go to the bathroom and just walk out? Didn’t your mama teach you anything as a youth? And these be the same people who wanna borrow a pencil or offer you some chips. Gtfohwts. Immediately.

It’s almost time for the fair again, and I’m still thinking about the e. coli breakout that had so many kids sick from the petting zoo at the N.C. State Fair. One of my studio-mates was even out of school for a couple of weeks with that. Parents were upset on the news, talking about there need to be sinks at the fair and more hand sanitizer stations. Y’all, I have been going to the fair hard for as long as I can remember, and it’s no secret how I save up my money and don’t eat 2 weeks prior just so I can gorge myself on fair food (we’ll come back to that). If my hungry behind can have a feast at the fair without getting sick, why can’t your kid?
You know why?

BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR KID ARE NASTY, MA’AM! Why would you walk through a petting zoo eating popcorn? That don’t even sound right. Common sense should tell you that the fair is more germ ridden than a backwoods gas station bathroom. Eat with a napkin. Or better yet, warsh yo’ dayum hands before you eat.

Raleigh responded to the outbreak by promising to install more hand sanitizer units along the midway. People. Hand sanitizer is a backup product, not a substitute for soap. I’ve actually been to public bathrooms where there’s no soap, only a bottle of hand sanitizer. You know what’s left on your hands when you sanitize them after taking a D? Sanitized shit. If you sanitize your hands after rubbing on a goat, you still have fleas and goat hair on your hand. Maybe hand sanitizer is just what we need to thin out the hygiene-deficient folks in the world. Maybe all the non-hand washing people will eventually catch some fecal disease. I really wish they would, because the next time I see a heifer leave the bathroom without washing her hands, I’m going to just be thug with it and remind her: “that was piss, ma’am. Not Mello-Yello.”

Think she’ll get the clue?

“When the picture came up, a pain shot through my groin. And I don’t even have a penis.”
~ Mama

This may be the most painful device I’ve ever seen in my life. Yet it looks oddly like a South African inventress has already come up with this, but I truly don’t know which came first. I suppose the idea of an anti-rape device isn’t really new in theory, it just hadn’t been produced and sold yet. Either way, I’m seeing how this could be both a great and horrible idea.

I think Sonette Ehlers’ version is a bit more humane (considering we’re talking about rapists here), while the Swedish version would be safer for the wearer (he can’t hit/shoot/stab you and try to hold his package together at the same time), but I’m just waiting for the first news report of some woman donning such a device just to be an ass and get back at her husband/boyfriend for cheating or leaving the toilet seat up. Yeah, I said it: some women are just assholes. That being said, I’d still buy one and I don’t think they should be banned from the market, but I think the likelihood of misuse is kinda large. In which case, I vote for the model developed by my Afrikan sista. Also, I would think that there would be an awful lot of potentially-VD-infested blood released into one’s cooch with that second one. We don’t want any of that.

I’m dissapointed that there are activists—especially females—in South Africa condemning women for taking bold, direct action to defend themselves. If Charlene Smith were one of the women who knows that the police and governement are not going to take her rape seriously, I doubt that she would be so quick to cast stones. Educating potential rapists? Yeah, I’m sure that there are some men out there who are simply ignorant to the fact that forcing themselves on women is unnacceptable and disgusting behavior.

I am continually saddened and confused about the poor state of womanhood all over the world. I mean, is there anyplace where we get a break? I can’t think of a single present-day culture that at its’ core values women as equals to men in terms of basic human rights. Which is interesting, considering what we now know scientifically of mitochondrial DNA and the human embryonic development. Oh, you don’t know? Well let me tell you.

There are certain DNA markers that are only passed through ovum, meaning that while your DNA is a mixture from four different grandparents, it’s still almost identical to your maternal grandmother’s. Thus you have the theory (which I think has been proven as fact now) of the Mitochondrial Eve: the most recent common human ancestor. Male (Y-chromosome) DNA inheritance can’t be traced very far at all.

And I learned this yesterday: everyone is female at conception (that’s why men have nipples!) Sperm-contributed sex chromosomes don’t kick into gear until several weeks after conception, so in the meantime a fetus develops based on the mother’s X-chromosome. After a while the other one starts operating and finishes the sexing of the fetus-baby… ever notice that male and female sex organs are physiologically similar? But we’re all female to begin with. Maybe that’s why men are so mean; they hate their inner femininity? I don’t know, but that might make a good psychology study.

Maybe I should switch to Anthropology.